THE END IS NEAR. Unmistakable Signs of the Apocalypse.
 

Tomorrow the Mayan calendar rolls over, but it’s not the end of the world. I know the icecap is melting and atrocities are being committed every day, but the devil is in the details. And so is the Apocalypse. Watch for these 10 tiny indicators. THE END IS NEAR when

• Spinach Houses outnumber Steak Houses in New York.
• Socks emerge from your dryer in matched pairs.
• A watched kettle boils.
• Toronto’s Mayor goes on hunger strike. His weight dips below 300 pounds.
• Monkeys wear shearling coats. (Oh, wait, that one has already happened)
• The tabloids lose interest in Kate and William.
• Bryan of The New Normal comes out of the closet: he is heterosexual.
• Twitter becomes the medium of choice for intellectuals.
• The number of my blog followers soars.
• The USA outlaws guns.

In any case, don’t worry. In this virtual age, the Apocalypse takes place on-line. So as long as you don’t turn on your computer tomorrow, you are safe!