Saturday, 29 December 2012



Please say it ain’t so. Please, someone, tell me this is just a hoax.

  • The top 2012 interests according to were: Hunger Games, Honey Boo Boo, Fifty Shades of Grey, Gangnam style dancing, and American Idol. That may explain the financial problems of institutes of higher education and the fact that
  •  Universities have to adopt a programme of prioritization (Globe & Mail 25 Dec). They will rank courses by DEMAND and STUDENT OUTCOME.  Judging by our 2012 top interests, I guess there will be a demand for courses in American Idol, Advanced Honey Boo, and The Meaning of Gangnam. Please contact Provost Maureen Mancuso at Guelph University. She wants to know about YOUR essentialities. ESSENTIALITIES? – Do I have to use that word to pass American Idol 100? Is that the student outcome they are looking for? Well, maybe I’ll learn Guelph-speak if I live long enough. After all,
  • Aging is a preventable condition, as Aubrey de Grey tells us ( It should be combatted with preventive medicine. We just need to reach LONGEVITY ESCAPE VELOCITY, that is, live long enough until they’ve found a cure for what ails us. Could be a long time until they find a cure for the world's stupidity, egomania, and crass spending, for example on
  • Designer iPhone cases. The blinged Mischa Barton model costs $ 300,000, topping the record holder from Natural Sapphire Co ($ 100,000). iPhones must have a high ATTACH RATE, the measure of the amount of money a manufacturer can make off supplementary goods. You didn’t know the term ATTACH RATE? That’s because you didn't major in American Idol. But there are a lot of ignorant people out there.
  • Italian and French politicians, for example, don’t know anything about sex. Dominique Strauss-Kahn had sex with a hotel maid IN ERROR ( Silvio Berlusconi thought his bunga-bunga parties were ELEGANT DINNERS conducted in an ATMOSPHERE OF GOOD CHEER AND AFFECTION (              
In the NO COMMENT department, we have three cases that weren’t hoaxes:
  • The NRA suggested a remedy for school massacres: Armed guards in every school. 
  • Clint Eastwood talked to an empty chair.
  • Amazon sold you Kindle books, but remains the owner of your books (

 And the biggest hoax that WAS:
  • The Apocalypse. Or did it happen, and we never noticed?

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