2012 IN REVIEW: THE YEAR OF THE HOAX THAT WASN’T.

 

Please say it ain’t so. Please, someone, tell me this is just a hoax.

• The top 2012 interests according to news.yahoo.com were: Hunger Games, Honey Boo Boo, Fifty Shades of Grey, Gangnam style dancing, and American Idol. That may explain the financial problems of institutes of higher education and the fact that
•  Universities have to adopt a programme of prioritization (Globe & Mail 25 Dec). They will rank courses by DEMAND and STUDENT OUTCOME.  Judging by our 2012 top interests, I guess there will be a demand for courses in American Idol, Advanced Honey Boo, and The Meaning of Gangnam. Please contact Provost Maureen Mancuso at Guelph University. She wants to know about YOUR essentialities. ESSENTIALITIES? – Do I have to use that word to pass American Idol 100? Is that the student outcome they are looking for? Well, maybe I’ll learn Guelph-speak if I live long enough. After all,
• Aging is a preventable condition, as Aubrey de Grey tells us (www.sens.org). It should be combatted with preventive medicine. We just need to reach LONGEVITY ESCAPE VELOCITY, that is, live long enough until they’ve found a cure for what ails us. Could be a long time until they find a cure for the world's stupidity, egomania, and crass spending, for example on
• Designer iPhone cases. The blinged Mischa Barton model costs $ 300,000, topping the record holder from Natural Sapphire Co ($ 100,000). iPhones must have a high ATTACH RATE, the measure of the amount of money a manufacturer can make off supplementary goods. You didn’t know the term ATTACH RATE? That’s because you didn't major in American Idol. But there are a lot of ignorant people out there.
• Italian and French politicians, for example, don’t know anything about sex. Dominique Strauss-Kahn had sex with a hotel maid IN ERROR (nytimes.com). Silvio Berlusconi thought his bunga-bunga parties were ELEGANT DINNERS conducted in an ATMOSPHERE OF GOOD CHEER AND AFFECTION (bbc.co.uk).              

In the NO COMMENT department, we have three cases that weren’t hoaxes:

• The NRA suggested a remedy for school massacres: Armed guards in every school. 
• Clint Eastwood talked to an empty chair.
• Amazon sold you Kindle books, but remains the owner of your books (nbcnews.com).

 And the biggest hoax that WAS:

• The Apocalypse. Or did it happen, and we never noticed?