MONKEY BUSINESS. Why was Darwin at IKEA?

 
What’s a monkey sporting a faux-shearling coat doing in the IKEA parking lot?

He is an early entrant in CTV’s Amazing Race Canada, TV critic John Doyle suggests. Nah. Why come up with far-fetched explanations when there are four perfectly good reasons for him being there.

• He was trying to find his car. Have you seen the size of those IKEA parking lots?
• He was protesting IKEA’s unfair practices. They’ve got toy rats. They’ve got toy hedgehogs. But not a single plush monkey. That smacks of species discrimination, don’t you think?
• He wanted to kick off a SAVE THE SHEEP campaign by sporting a polyester shearling coat. Note: Canadian fashionista Jeanne Beker pronounced the coat DIVINE.
• He tried to kickstart a career as Houdini 2. He got out of his crate, he got out of his car, he got out of his diaper – well, would have, if people hadn’t started aiming their cell phones at him. Would you want pics of your hairy bum go viral?

But seriously, why get excited about a monkey in a furniture store parking lot, when there are more inspirational specimens on the loose? Like the devout rhesus spotted in a church parking lot in Clearwater? He’s still out there somewhere, and was last seen in the parking lot of a Baptist church in St. Petersburg, according to NYTimes.com. Clearly this monkey has more elevated career aspirations than going into the Houdini-style show business, unless of course he’s thinking of televangelism.

Then there’s the monkey of Danville (NH) who, according to unionleader.com, has been on the loose for 11 years despite efforts to trap him with bananas and peanuts. An ascetic! You have to admire his noble mind. Unless of course the local dumpsters offer a larger selection of primate food.

Anyhoo. The owner describing herself as Darwin’s mommy desperately wants him back. Hmm. Changing diapers must be more fun than I thought.