Saturday 30 March 2013


Ron Holmes, the father of basketball star Shabazz Muhammad, didn’t leave things to chance or waste precious time on romance. He saw point guard Faye Paige perform and said to himself: The two of us would make a great genetic mix. “She’s going to be my wife, and we’re going to make some All-Americans” (LA Times 22 March). It’s as simple as that, friends.  So, let me suggest a few other winning combinations:
  • Donald Trump & Kim Kardashian = millionaire with real hair
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger & Jerry Brown = enough muscle to push through gay marriage
  • Jules Verne (Around the World in 80 Days) & E.L. James (Fifty Shades of Grey) = discount airline
All that mixing and matching has the FDA in a tizzy. “It’s a bit of a mess,” Jennifer Kuzma admits, speaking of genetically modified foods (LA Times 23 March).  When you eat corn engineered to keep down weed, is it still food or is it a pesticide? When you eat salmon on growth hormones are you eating fish or taking drugs?

I’m also wondering:
  • Teenager & cell phone= armed and dangerous?
There has been a spike in cell rage recently (LA Times 23 March). No, I’m not referring to jail riots. I mean teenagers hurling cell phones in anger. Not sure I like that, but electronic shops welcome the new trend. As far as they are concerned,
  • Cell rage & broken screen=more cell phone sales.
Have you been to a pop concert lately? Stunning! Mesmerizing! Or should I say paralyzing? Watch performers scaling walls, riding motorcycles onstage, bursting from eggs, doing aerial stunts against a background of fireworks. It’s a winning combination. Pyrotechnics & ambulance sirens, acrobatics & concussions.  So:

  • Lady Gaga & circus stunts= gaga fans? Or is that
  • Lady Gaga & circus stunts= hip replacement?
Last year artist Olga Koumoundouros squatted in an abandoned house. No wait, it wasn’t squatting. It was a “socio-aesthetic intervention” (LA Times 22 March). The furniture debris from that project is now on show at an LA art gallery. So:
  • Trash & rent free living= art? But does it sell? I suppose so.
  • Trash & schmucks with $$ to spare= art sale.

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