Thursday, 10 October 2013

3 VIEW. Three is better than one.

Are you seeing a therapist and not getting the therapeutic benefits you expected? That’s because you have only one therapist and you need a trio of advisors, according to 3View, a Toronto practice (Globe & Mail, 8 Oct). Mind you, the three-on-one treatment, which brings triple skills to bear on your problems, will set you back $ 210/session but maybe it’s worth it, and there is something to the three-is-better-than-one theory (let’s call it 3View for short).

For one thing, 3 View has the weight of tradition. It has long been embraced by followers of Islam. That’s why they allow three wives. Triple skills in the kitchen, three-on-one in the bedroom, and all that, you know.

Of course you will need three jobs to pay for your trio of wives and therapists.

And maybe also three drinks for every one you have at present.

But what we all need is triple organs. Three livers would certainly come in handy if you go in for triple drinks. Three brains, I’m not sure about. That might lead to in-fighting, but then again it could provide insider-tips (“Psst, Brain1 is on the frizz”) and triple your IQ.  And any mother of young children will be better off with three hands, although if she and her husband happen to work three jobs, they’ll probably want three nannies instead.

I myself am looking for three publishers vying to buy the manuscript of my next novel, but will likely end up with three editors imposing their conflicting grammatical and stylistic preferences on me.

Now that I’m aware of the 3 View theory, I see it at work everywhere. No doubt it accounts for the heist pulled off by the men who stole 16,000 barrels of maple syrup (Toronto Star, 6 Oct), especially if they were hoping to popularize three-pancake breakfasts.

And did you know that someone paid $ 45,000 for a set of three chest x-rays of Marilyn Monroe (Globe, 9 Oct)? He must have been motivated by 3 View. I can’t explain it any other way.

The theory is probably also behind Canada’s system of three political parties, although to date their triple skills have affected only the country’s credit rating (down) and taxes (up). That’s probably why some people stubbornly remain in favour of the one party system (see Iran, China, and the Tea Party).

The 3 View theory is however widely accepted in home construction and may account for the lack of interest in Nathan Buhler’s 100 sq ft house, even though it’s a bargain at $ 29,900 (Globe, 3 Oct). Obviously people still cling to the notion that three bedrooms are better than one or none. And desperately needed if you have three wives.


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