SURPRISE! Nothing prepared me for this.

Nothing prepared Cardinal Mahony for handling the cases of pedophile priests brought to his attention. Apparently his degree, a Master in Social Work, was just interior decorating, something suitable for framing and hanging over his desk.

Event organizer Reza Gerami suffered from a similar handicap. Nothing prepared him for the effects of Ecstasy, which killed a dozen people attending his raves (pardon me: ELECTRONIC MUSIC FESTIVALS). He thought they were SAFE, SECURE, AND FUN (LA Times 3 Feb).

I guess nothing prepared the police for Jimmy Dykes shooting a school bus driver and kidnapping a 5-year old boy other than the fact that he clubbed a dog to death with a lead pipe, watched the street from a deer-stand, and promised to kill people.

And of course nothing whatsoever prepared a Calvary Coach driver for crashing his 12 ft high bus into a Boston bridge, except possibly a sign alerting him to the height of the bridge: 10 ft.

Then again, a man on Sullivan’s Island (SC) saved a child from being carried out to sea by a riptide. Nothing prepared Robert Proffitt for it. He didn’t have time to think, he said. He just acted.

And there is Campbellford (ON) contractor Jamie Bell who got a MOXIE AWARD (EMC, 31 Dec). I was amazed to hear that she didn’t have a degree in dry-walling. She’s a printer by trade.

Other moxie candidates:

• Gustave Eiffel who built the famous tower in Paris without a degree in architecture.
•  Bernard Shaw who wrote his plays without a degree in creative writing.
• And remind me, what degree did Mother Teresa have? A master in SAINTOLOGY?

It’s an inexplicable situation, a complete riddle, but let me take a stab. Is there such a thing as native intelligence, native decency, native compassion -- or am I totally off the map?