The Power of Positive Thinking. Happiness Guaranteed, or Your Depression Back.

Here is some advice for you on how to be happy:

BOY FRIENDS. They can seriously affect your mood, so make sure you get the right type. Luckily Jessica Massa explains it all in her latest book, Gaggle. She suggests surrounding yourself with useful types. My personal favourites are The Ego Booster, The Career Booster, and the Hot Sex Prospect. Between the three of them, they should be able to keep me happy.

WEATHER. We all know: weather affects your mood. So you read the forecast. 36 degrees in the morning and torrential thunderstorm with hail the size of goose eggs in the afternoon? I’m phoning in sick, you say, and hiding out in the basement, watching TV. But it turns out to be a perfect summer day, sunny, 26 degrees, with a pleasant breeze. You could have phoned in sick and gone to the beach! That’s why I applaud Dutch labour councillors. They want forecasters to put a positive spin on the weather report and threaten to slap them with fines if their gloomy forecasts are wrong. Check it out: http://www.cbc.ca/news/yourcommunity/2012/07/faulty-weather-forecasts-could-lead-to-fines-in-netherlands.html

 

REPORT CARDS. Watch out, students. The school board wants to make your report card easier to read. Parents have complained they can’t understand teacherese (Globe & Mail, June 29). Let’s keep it that way, guys. You don’t really want the old folks to know about your problems. As long as they are bamboozled with assessment evidence and learner outcomes and are told you are working on your life skills, they’ll be happy. And that’s good for everyone’s mood.

FACEBOOK. Originally Facebook was a place to express frustration and sadness in a safe environment, but, really, who wants to read depressing stuff? Now Facebook users finally got it right. They lie through their teeth about their age, intelligence, and earning power. They photoshop the hell out of their faces and body contours. They give you only the good news. Happy now?

A NEW MOBILE PHONE APP developed by the University of Portsmouth’s School of Computing will colour-code your messages bad, good, or neutral, so you can choose the ones that make you happy and ignore the rest. Get it NOW.

DON’T THINK.  In Canada we know all about the depressing effects of brutal heat waves and numbing snowstorms. So are you surprised to hear that Canada is home to the Positive Psychology Association? Here is a bit of advice from co-founder Louisa Jewell: Practise positive reframing. And: Ruminating is a major positivity no-no. Sounds like Psychologese to you? Okay, let me translate it into layman’s terms for you: Ignore reality. Dream on!