Holiday Specials. Bragging Rights Included.

Let me ask you, why do you go on holidays -- to relax, to meet new people, to experience new cultures? Get serious! You go away so you can come back and brag about it to your friends. So, if you are tired of fabulous beaches and exciting cities that everyone has been to already, I’ve got some great new ideas for you:

VERSAILLES. No, not that old thing in France. I’m talking about the family home of David and Jackie Siegel in Orlando, FLA. Once they get their finances back in shape and can complete construction, the Siegels’ Versailles will cover ninety thousand square feet and have thirty bathrooms, a bowling alley, a sushi bar, and paintings of the owners in the style of the ancient Romans. In the meantime, you might be able to rent it or, at least, talk Lauren Greenfield into giving you a cameo role in her documentary “The Queen of Versailles,” featuring the Siegel property. If you act promptly, she may be able to splice you in before releasing her film to the public. http://www.newyorker.com/talk/2012/07/09/120709ta_talk_mead

MEDICAL TOURISM. Holidays in the sun are so passé, darlings, especially when you are a masochist at heart. If so, the Frontenac in Quebec City has just the package for you. The luxury hotel offers VIP treatment while you enjoy a virtual colonoscopy by CT scan or a pulmonary computed tomography. Such fun, darlings! http://www.theprovince.com/travel/Quebec+City+hotel+partners+with+clinic+offer+medical+tourism/6893302/story.html

READING ON THE BEACH. You’re kidding me, you say, that’s been done. That’s so banal. How can I impress anyone reading books on the beach? Oh, but this is different. I’m talking of boring books. Check out Bruce Handy’s list . I mention only three titles, and I know you’ll be hooked: The Complete Bean Cookbook. Soap Bubbles: Their colors and Forces Which Mold them. And: Salar the Salmon, an in-depth book on the lives and loves of salmon. http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/08/books/review/bruce-handys-collection-of-boring-books.html

No, doesn’t grab you? Well, here is something for you thrill-seekers:

RENT-A-TANK. And blast the hell out of old cars. Machine guns are included in this package deal. Check it out at http://www.driveatank.com/. The experience is every outdoor man’s dream: loud, hot, and dirty.

And what does Rummel do for summer fun? Writing this blog – what did you think?