This
is the opening weekend of the Canadian National Exhibition, which will bring
you dog shows, concerts, aerial acrobats and …food guaranteed to give you a
heart attack: The Canuck Burger with
three kinds of bacon and cheddar cheese. Add a side of nutella sweet potato
fries and, for dessert, a bacon-wrapped deep-fried Mars Bar or a bacon and
cheese Cronut, and you’ll top 8000 calories easy. But if you are into suicidal
combinations, don’t stop at meals. Here are other deadly mixes:
The beauty mix: Tots & Tiaras? Nah, way too sane. How
about beauty queen & moving car & homemade bombs? Kendra McKenzie
Gill (Miss Riverton, Utah) was having fun, joy-riding with two friends and
tossing plastic bottles filled with toilet-bowl cleaner and shrapnel at stores
along the road (cbsnews.com).
The credit card mix: Roomates Julie Phillips
and Geoff Szuszkiewicz of Calgary have started a year of buying nothing
(metronews.ca). Come on, people, that’s so dope. Here is a deadly mix: credit
card & a year of buying
everything & paying for nothing.
Start with a Canuck Burger a day, go on to puffing Cuban cigars, drive a racing
car while texting, hire a Sherpa and climb a Himalayan peak – all absolutely
free. You won’t live long enough to be sued by your creditors.
The political mix. Here’s a combo
deadly for your re-election plans: video
with crack pipe & groping
unrelated female & giving voters
the finger while driving and texting &
revealing DUI convictions & skipping
council meetings to do personal business. No wait, that’s been done by Toronto
Mayor Rob Ford and may not be lethal to his career. He still has a 40% approval
rating. What does it take to get rid of a politician?
The vodka mix. Vodka & bacon =BLT Cocktail. Vodka & horseradish= Gogol. Vodka & caviar & olives = Cavitini. Pul-lease! There must be a simpler way to
die from alcohol poisoning.
The legal mix. This just in from the journalistic trenches
of the Globe (17 August). Cross off cronuts from your list of lethal combos.
Turns out cronut has been
trademarked by a Manhatton bakery. So, unlicenced use of name &
lawyer = demise of the Canadian Exhibition cronut?
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