Sunday 23 June 2013

SURPRISE, SURPRISE ! Or maybe not.

Some actions have unexpected consequences, like giving a basket of fancy foods as a wedding present. Presumably the giver expected a thank-you note from the newlyweds. Surprise! The bride texted him that this was a cheap and embarrassing gift and asked to see the receipt (Hamilton Spectator, 19 June).

Other surprises:
  • Funky restaurants and bars turn a once seedy strip of Toronto’s Queen Street into a trendy neighbourhood. Expected: rejoicing. Surprise! The city decides to restrict new restaurants in the area (Metro, 19 June)
  • A taxidermist botches her first assignment. Expected: Stuffed animal is stuffed into garbage can. Surprise! It is auctioned off for $ 500 and goes on to YouTube fame as The Stoned Fox (Globe, 20 June).
  • Bob Rae resigns his seat in parliament. This is the guy who abandoned the NDP for the Liberal Party.  Expected: Scorn for a deserter. Surprise!  He was elected interim leader by the Liberals. Not bad for the ex-premier of Ontario, who was turfed by voters after a disastrous four years of government.
  • Menchie’s, an American firm, sells frozen yogurt in Quebec. It comes with a plastic spoon labeled “Sweet Moosic”. Expected: the sweet music of ching-chinging cash registers. Surprise! Menchie’s receives a letter from Quebec’s language watchdog warning them that the name “Sweet Moosic” isn’t French and thus violates the French Language Charter (Globe, 22 June).
  • Students enter high School. Expected: Their knowledge increases over the next four years. Surprise? Their health declines, according to a study undertaken at Waterloo University. A comparison between grade 9s and12s showed that smoking went up 170 percent and binge drinking jumped 167 percent.
  • Obesity is declared a disease. Expected: increase in treatment benefiting the obese. Surprise? According to the Globe, 20 June, the result will be an increase in research funding, benefiting researchers and pharmaceutical companies. No doubt, the funded studies will show (Surprise?) that fighting obesity requires expensive medication developed by pharmaceutical companies.
  • I started blogging a year ago.  Expected: going viral. Surprise? Only 5,399 page views to date, which means that I rank 3, 475 263rd in the USA. More surprise! According to urlmetrics, that translates into a monetary worth of $ 617.34.  Excuse me, gentlemen, I’m worth at least $ 100,000. You forgot to add in the cost of my university education and the work I had done on my teeth. -- Oh, you don’t count the cost of personal improvement? You go strictly by clicks?

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