A great (touchy-feely) time for pigeons, Canada geese, beavers and other vermin.
|U of T motto. (Hope the beaver doesn't |
escape the escutcheon and fell their tree).
You don’t want pigeons to gum up airplane engines? Tough. You don’t want your tennis game interrupted by a pigeon colliding with your ball? That’s what happened at the French Open, so they hired a falconer. But even falcons have gone touchy-feely. I quote the New Yorker: “Hup! Hup! Hup!” the falconer yelled to encourage his bird to pounce. The falcon, by name of Zyna, clearly didn’t have murder in her heart. Her boss had to swipe her, and even then it would only jump into the air, spooking the pigeons enough to back up twenty feet. Maybe it had nothing to do with touchy-feeling. Maybe it was a labour dispute. You can’t make your falcons work overtime. According to the New Yorker, the falconer was aware of the regulations. “It’s the bird’s decision,” he said. http://www.newyorker.com/talk/2012/06/18/120618ta_talk_wiedeman
In Canada, we use dogs to do our dirty work. You couldn’t walk the beach at Brighton, Ontario, for all the bird shit fouling up the water. The E. coli count was way up. Then they hired dogs – not to hunt down the geese -- Heaven forbid we should put the health of humans before that of the geese! No, they just wanted to teach the geese manners. This is Canada after all. We share and share alike. The dogs just keep the geese to their side of the beach.
My neighbours, meanwhile, are battling the resident beaver family which has made it their special project to turn the corn field into a pond. As National Geographic puts it, those beavers are good at “reengineering the landscape”. Bring on the trappers! No, wait, the touchy-feel people don’t want us to wear real fur. They want the beavers to re-engineer Ontario into a giant wetland, the ideal habitat for Canada Geese. http://animals.nationalgeographic.com/animals/mammals/beaver/
Then there are the folks who want to protect wolves because, you see, it’s a myth that they decimate the deer population. I quite believe those good people. Why should wolves bother to chase down elusive deer, when there are tasty calves standing around just waiting to be torn to pieces? No, indeed, wolves don’t affect the deer population, at least not the herd of deer in the Rummel backyard. I guess I shouldn’t begrudge them my apple and pear harvest, even if I thought it was a tad rude that they left me not a single pear. Unlike the geese in Brighton, they are not into sharing.
I wonder what would happen if I adopted the http://www.care2come/ model. These nice folks invite you to click on their site to generate donations for wolves. I invite you herewith to click on my site, http://www.rummelsincrediblestories.ca/. Maybe I can make a deal with the deer in the Rummel backyard. For every ten clicks on “funny”, they leave me a pear.
The concept has potential, you must admit. What next? Sites for mosquitoes (ten clicks, and they won’t bite you in hard to scratch places)? Ants (ten clicks, and they’ll invade only foods you don’t like)? Mice (ten clicks, and you get to download the Great Howling Mouse app for free)?
If you ask me, the ideal solution would be genetically modified beavers that sprout faux fur and eat Canada Geese.
I'd report it here, for sure.
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