Thursday 14 June 2012

Fakes of the month: Your orgasm, Charest’s death, MacKay’s F 35

The Toronto Globe & Mail issues a Weekly Challenge to its readers. Last week it was “Go without make-up”. Before that, “Resolve to be positive”. Here is a suggestion for next week's challenge: Practice fake orgasm before it’s too late. I’m worried about the future of faked orgasm after reading about a new technology that scans your facial expressions and monitors your mood (Metro, June 12). Who would want to monitor your mood? The people who make ads pop up on your screen. They’ve figured out that you are more inclined to buy diet aids if you feel bad about yourself. By contrast, you are likely to rush out and drop a bundle on a new car if you are feeling good. I can see lots of uses for that app.

McDonald’s will want know: are you feeling bulimic today? Yes? Check out today's special: a five-pound hamburger, a bucket of fries, and a keg of coke, all for under $12. will want to know: are you feeling murderous today? Yes? Have we got a video for you!

Your friendly broker will want to know: are you feeling dazed today? Can I unload some fast-falling shares on you? And your ATM will look you in the eye to gauge: are you anxious enough to renew your mortgage at inflated interest rates?

So I can see it coming: cameras installed in the bedroom to monitor your orgiastic mood. I recommend: practice moaning and rolling up your eyes until the white shows. Maybe you can trick the app.

Actually I can think of an even better Weekly Challenge for the Globe: Distinguish real from fake.

Can you tell Frankenfoods from the organic produce? (hint: Frankenfoods bite back)


Can you tell ground meat from pink slime? (hint: no, you can’t, it's embedded)

The federal government recently had a photo-op to demonstrate the need for spending 75 million on an F 35. Can you tell a real F35 fighter from a mock-up (hint: the mock-up contains Peter MacKay)

Metro (13 June) reports that a Quebec MNA has a painting showing his political rival Jean Charest dead. Can you tell whether this is real art or just wishful thinking? (hint: ask yourself, did prehistoric cave paintings of bison help prehistoric hunters?)

If you like my stuff, you'll like

No comments:

Post a Comment