THREE EASY STEPS TOWARD MAKING BABIES – THE RENAISSANCE WAY.

More good advice from Leon Battista Alberti:

STEP ONE: Choose a wife of the correct size. Look for one who is fairly big and has limbs of ample length. Obese is out. Those laden with fat are subject to coldness and constipation and slow to conceive.

STEP TWO: Check statistical likelihood that she will bear you a son. It is an excellent sign if a girl has a great number of brothers and no sisters. Chances are, when she is yours, she will fare like her mother.

Okay, you’ve married a woman who is the right size and has brothers.

STEP THREE: Have sex with her.

• But be careful not to give yourself to your wife while your mental state is troubled by anger, fear, or other disturbing emotion. Passions slow up the vital strength.
• And watch your drinking. Undertake sex only when you are sober, strong, and as happy as possible.
• You know the old rule -- don’t go swimming right after you’ve eaten? Same with sex. Wait until the first digestion is over, when you are neither empty nor full of heavy food, but flourishing and lightened by sleep.
• Watch personal hygiene. It is good to make yourself intensely desired by the woman.
• Keep the temperature in your bedroom just so, not excessively hot, not excessively cold or your seed is petrified by frost. Oh, they had thermostats in the Renaissance? No, they just had to wait for more temperate weather.

That may work for Italy. Or L.A.  But what about Canada, eh? Sorry, Torontonians, no sex between November and April.

PROCREATION – THE RENAISSANCE WAY.

This good advice comes to you from artist and philosopher Leon Battista Alberti (1404-1472).

• No one can deny that a man requires a woman for procreating children. But not more than one, okay? And why not?
• Because he cannot provide more than is needed for himself and one wife and children. Maybe he could have more wives if he had fewer children?
• Apparently some fellows didn’t want even one wife. How wrong-headed can young men be? Alberti’s advice: Perhaps it would help to put them under some compulsion. A father might put the following clause into his will: “If you do not marry when you reach the appropriate age, I disinherit you.”
• What is the appropriate age? Twenty-five. A younger man is better off spending his fire and force in establishing and strengthening his own position than in procreating. The youthful seed, moreover, seems faulty and frail and less full of vigor than that which is ripened.
• As for the bride required for the purpose of procreation: Let female relatives present the groom-to-be with a list of eligible women. He can then choose the one who suits him best. And take your time. Marrying is like acquiring property – Buyers like to look it over several times before they actually sign the contract.