IF YOU ARE A LAWYER YOU WON’T FIND THIS FUNNY. BUT I’M NOT.

#amreading Showey Yazdanian’s hilarious new book Loopholes, which hits lawyers very hard.

It begins with a page of Terms and Conditions:

Reading Loopholes (hereinafter “the novel”) constitutes a legally binding agreement… The print on the page becomes progressively smaller, ending with half a page of blah,blah,blah. So like all the publishing contracts I signed unread!

Other quotable bits:

The top one percent of law students shot across the border to the big new York law firms within five minutes of graduation, renouncing their citizenships during layovers in Chicago.

This is no reflection on Canada. It’s not personal, it’s just freezing up here.

But of course you don’t have to go to America. You can make a handsome living on Toronto’s Bay Street or work for the government in Ottawa, conveniently located mere steps from the North Pole, where literally everyone works for the government, so rush hour starts at 3:45 p.m and maternity leave lasts for seven years.

The hero of the novel, Walter Roger, passes the first year of his studies with flying colours thanks to outsourcing his essays and take-home exams to a guy called Basu in Kolkata.

Unfortunately Basu dies in the hero’s second year. The rest, as they say, is history. I’m throwing this sentence in because this blog is supposed to be about history.

Upon graduation, Walter ends up articling with a Bulgarian law firm in a suburban strip mall where the burbling rill of Cyrillic-only clients always paid cash.

For the rest of his adventures, read Loopholes published by Quattro.

As the Terms and Conditions state: No lawyers were harmed in the writing of this work of fiction.