MORE QUOTES FROM ALBERT MEMMI’S PILLAR OF SALT – a coming of age story in Tunis of the 1930s.

Albert Memmi, author of Pillar of Salt

Moving out of the poor Jewish quarter where he had grown up and into the larger world of the lycée he attended on a scholarship, he learned more clearly to distinguish what was right and proper at school from what was right and proper at home.

In other words, he became a critical observer of society. 

My scorn and my anger were constantly aroused against hypocritical and timorous respectability, against the stupid and tyrannical family, against brutal and unjust authority, against primitive dogma that seemed arbitrary and stifling. I had to reject everything.

By the end of his high school days he knew what he did not want to be and only in a confused manner what he wanted. I wanted to escape from myself and go out towrd the others. I was not going to remain a Jew, an Oriental, a pauper; I belonged neither to my family nor my religious community; I was a new being, utterly transparent, ready to be completely remade into a philosophy instructor.

He turned to Socialism, but soon came to realize that the European parties offered no solutions to Tunisians. The people of Tunisia needed their own party to fight for them. I was too shy to add that Muslim hostility would have to be dispelled and that there was also the hostility of the Jews who had been driven behind thick walls by centuries of fear.

Then came the war and the Nazi occupation of Tunisia. Memmi (or rather his protagonist in this thinly disguised autobiography) wants to enlist in the Free French Army of the Gaullists. He identifies himself as a native African Jew. The lieutenant hesitates. “You don’t want any Jews?’ I asked.  “Oh, not at all,” he said. “We already have lots. That’s why they say that the Gaullists are mostly Jews, which isn’t true and does us a great deal of harm. Look, write down your name and add ‘Mohammed”. There is no difficulty for Muslims.” “I am going to think this over,” I said.

He leaves Tunis. On board ship, he looks out at the receding shoreline. First one star shone, then a second, then thousands. I grew uneasy gazing at the violet sea which attracted me like a sorceress while it heaved and settled, so I went down to the hold to sleep.

#AMREADING ALBERT MEMMI, THE PILLAR OF SALT. THE STORY OF A JEW GROWING UP IN TUNIS.

 

Jews in Tunis

A city of many nations. Everyone feels at home but no one at ease, each man is shut up in his own neighborhood, in fear, hate, and contempt of his neighbor. Like the filth and untidiness of this stinking city, we’ve known fear and scorn since the first awakening of our consciousness. To defend or avenge ourselves, we scorned and sneered among ourselves and hope we would be feared as much as we ourselves experienced fear. This was the atmosphere in which we lived.

The power of language. Never have I been able to rid myself of the magic spell of language. Whenever someone curses me, “May you perish,” I feel cold at the back of my neck and foresee the horrors of death. Whenever someone says “Drop dead!” I can already feel myself begin to fail. It is as if language, far from being a transparent tool, really shares some of the nature of the things it designates.

Suicidal thoughts. I was cornered, without any escape, and began to think of death for the first time in my life…The idea of suicide was born within me quite spontaneously and gently, like the world coming to life at dawn. At once, suicide seemed familiar to me, like a release, and I was surprised how convenient and tempting so serious an action could seem. The ultimate solution to my problem was in my power.

A way out. It was then that I discovered a terrible and marvelous secret which might perhaps make my loneliness bearable. To unburden myself of the weight of the world, I began to put everything on paper, and that is how I began to write and to experience the wonderful pleasure of mastering a whole life by recreating it.