Want
to keep mom from checking out your Facebook wall? What about Loews or Hyatt?
Apparently hotels now track their guests through social media so that they can
provide special touches like stitching their initials into the pillow (Globe,
14 Oct). That’s what you always wanted in a hotel room, right? Never mind the
outrageous price, the inconvenient location, or the noisy air conditioner -- as
long as you fall asleep with your initials caressing your cheek.
Let
me suggest other useful applications for the micropersonal touch:
Supermarkets:
preloaded carts with your initials on the wheels. They’ve scraped the web and
know what you want and need. Just
remember to give them a warning when you decide to go on a diet. Or should they
be able to glean that from the social media?
Clothes
shopping in person: pre-stocked dressing rooms with your initials on the
privacy curtain. Just let them know that your diet was successful and you lost
ten pounds – oh, okay, they already know that through the social media.
Dating:
You’ve come up against the thorny question whether no means yes or vice versa?
Settle it by scraping the social media for your date’s preferences. And don’t
forget to tattoo your initials into his/her arm.
Social
media could definitely help ending unwanted relationships. A recent Rogers
outage, for example, left poor Will Adams anxious (Globe, Oct 11). He thought
his girlfriend had dumped him because she hadn’t texted him in, OMG, two
minutes. Will’s logical reasoning gives me an idea. Could we make a
2-minute-plus electronic silence the universal dump sign? Please, Rogers, help
me out here. Could you micromanage my texts and zap bullies, boring
acquaintances, and penis enlargement offers with a 2-minute-plus deliberate
outage?
No comments:
Post a Comment