RENAISSANCE ADVICE TO WOULD-BE HUSBANDS.

 

Here is what Juan Luis Vives wants you to consider, gentlemen:

• A woman has two virtues, and they are practically the only ones she must possess: piety and chastity.
• No, let’s make that three virtues: piety, chastity, and a good figure. Don’t marry a wife who is too short (as did King Archidamus of Sparta, with the result that his children could not maintain the dignity of a king because of their short stature).
• And don’t marry too young. The best age of marriage for men is at 34. If a man is much younger than that, he does not have the necessary strength for procreating children. Your wife should be at least 18. It is not good for her to become accustomed to love-maxing at a tender age. Lust is enkindled and her physical development hampered.
• Get some education. Some men think that the more stupid they are, the better they are. I would counsel them to beget asses rather than humans. Hey, I can subscribe to that. No, wait. I don’t like where this is going.
• Check what your wife is reading. She must not have access to complicated writings like questions of theology. It is not at all fitting for a woman to be curious and inquisitive about profound matters.
• Okay, no theology, but what about the other subjects? She should leave the study of nature, grammar, dialectic, history, political science, and mathematics to men. That doesn’t leave her with a lot of material. Oh, I see:
• Pious books are sufficient, for morals are best formed by piety.
• And the most important subject for a woman? How to keep your mouth shut. Count silence among the disciplines to be learned by your wife. It is the greatest ornament of her sex.

(Source: J.L. Vives, The Duty of Husbands)

THE HUSBAND’S DUTY. MORE RENAISSANCE ADVICE ON MARRIAGE.

The Husband’s Duty is the title of a book by Juan Luis Vives, but you know what? It’s a misnomer. It’s all about the problems women cause. Well, maybe Vives means it’s the husband’s duty to find a wife that isn’t problematic.

In the Renaissance it was hard to get a divorce unless you had the clout of Henry VIII. And even he had to take extreme measures to get rid of his wives, such as beheading them and founding his own religion. This wasn’t an option for the average guy. So Vives’ advice is to get a wife who loves you.

• Otherwise, no matter how rich she is, or how elegant and beautiful in appearance, she will be a source of trouble.
• Mind you, women are troublesome one way or another. To begin with, their health is inferior because of the greater amount of waste they generate, which their insufficient degree of warmth cannot dispel; to discharge them, women have fixed monthly periods. Except during pregnancy, when all bets are off.
• Another troublesome feature of women is their loquacity. It comes partly from the variety of their thoughts and emotions, which follow upon one another in quick succession and rapidly go from their mind to their mouth. Whereas men’s thoughts get stuck in their mind and swell up their heads?
• Question: would education tame the flood of women’s thoughts and emotions? Nope. She will not be able to vanquish her passions altogether and rid herself of them any more than she can cease to be a woman.
• But all those words which come out of a wife’s mouth are good for something, it turns out. Female loquacity, provided it has some limit, is sometimes soothing to a man’s spirit when he is weary of private and public cares.

Ultimately, men just have to put up with women. Who is so hard-hearted that he cannot take pity on their condition? We must overlook many things in them. The creature weaker in nature must be tolerated by the stronger.

THE RENAISSANCE MARRIAGE: HOW TO KEEP YOUR MAN HAPPY.

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More advice from Francesco Barbaro’s marriage manual.

• Loquacity cannot be sufficiently reproached in women and silence be sufficiently applauded.  If you have to talk, girls, keep it short. Hello and good-bye will do. The idea is to give the impression of being provoked into conversation rather than provoking it.
• Women can never be too hot, right? Wrong. Abstain from foods that encourage and instil the desires of the flesh. Curb your libido because
• A couple must use intercourse mainly in the hope of procreating.
• Once the wife is pregnant, forget about sex. I admonish you: When the ship is full, admit no more passengers.
• The best occupation for a wife, pregnant or not, is to stay home and oversee the household. It is her duty to see that no harm comes to her husband’s wine cellar, pantry, and oil supply.
• In short: To keep your man happy, shut up, put up, and procreate.
• Conclusion: I think that ear guards are far more necessary for a wife than for a wrestler. His ears are only subject to blows, hers are subject to humiliation.

A RENAISSANCE GUIDE TO THE PERFECT MARRIAGE  – WRITTEN BY A MAN OF COURSE.  

Here are a few bits of advice from Italian politician Francesco Barbaro, who dashed off his marriage manual in 1416 between diplomatic missions at the papal and imperial courts.

Is this what he would look like today?

• Three things will make a marriage admirable: a wife’s love for her husband, her modesty, and her diligence in domestic matters.In case you are wondering: no, there were no house husbands in Renaissance Italy.
• Here is how to navigate the emotional terrain of marriage: If your husband is angry and scolds you, tolerate his wrath silently.  If he has been struck silent by a fit of depression, address him with sweet words, encourage, console, amuse, and humour him. No, they didn’t have shrinks in Renaissance Italy. But they had drugs and witchcraft. Barbaro frowned on both.
• Do not attract husbands to love by means of potions and amorous incantations. I would compare such wives to fishermen who catch fish with poison bait and in so doing make the fish tasteless and almost inedible. Poison bait? Is that why salmon is so tasteless nowadays? And I thought it was the fault of agribusiness.
• How to look modest: Preserve an evenness and restraint in the movements of your eyes and of your body. A wandering eye, a hasty gait, and excessive movement of the hands and other parts of the body are undignified and signs of vanity and frivolity.

More advice in my next blog post. No time to go on now. Am trying to be diligent in domestic matters to make my marriage admirable.

WHAT A BOY NEEDS TO KNOW. EDUCATION IN THE BORGIA ERA.

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Here is Vergerio's curriculum: 

• Most important subject: History. A boy must have heroes. And where would he find heroes? In politics, of course. Vergerio’s advice: Look to the Fathers of the City, to the Senate House. Well, let’s see who would qualify as a model? Silvio (Bunga-bunga) Berlusconi? Assad? Putin?  No wait, we are talking about the Renaissance. Cesare Borgia? Machiavelli’s Prince? Henry VIII? Okay, I can see this is going to be problematic, and Vergerio wisely names no names.
• Next we need: Moral Philosophy. History, you see, shows us what men have done (which isn’t always good), whereas moral philosophy shows us what men should do. And speaking of morals: Profane language is an abominable sin. So don’t end every sentence with Fuck. Build your vocabulary, boys.
• We need language instruction. History may provide the light of experience and the cumulative wisdom of the ages, but it must be supplemented by the persuasion of eloquence. Unfortunately, eloquence has fallen to a low level. And whose fault is that? The courts of law, according to Vergerio. Speed, brevity, and homeliness are the only qualities desired there. So that’s how it all started! I can see a straight line from Renaissance law courts to Twitter.

By the way, check my speed, brevity, and homeliness @historycracks.