This is the opening weekend of the Canadian National Exhibition, which will bring you dog shows, concerts, aerial acrobats and …food guaranteed to give you a heart attack: The Canuck Burger with three kinds of bacon and cheddar cheese. Add a side of nutella sweet potato fries and, for dessert, a bacon-wrapped deep-fried Mars Bar or a bacon and cheese Cronut, and you’ll top 8000 calories easy. But if you are into suicidal combinations, don’t stop at meals. Here are other deadly mixes:
The beauty mix: Tots & Tiaras? Nah, way too sane. How about beauty queen & moving car & homemade bombs? Kendra McKenzie Gill (Miss Riverton, Utah) was having fun, joy-riding with two friends and tossing plastic bottles filled with toilet-bowl cleaner and shrapnel at stores along the road (cbsnews.com).
The credit card mix: Roomates Julie Phillips and Geoff Szuszkiewicz of Calgary have started a year of buying nothing (metronews.ca). Come on, people, that’s so dope. Here is a deadly mix: credit card & a year of buying everything & paying for nothing. Start with a Canuck Burger a day, go on to puffing Cuban cigars, drive a racing car while texting, hire a Sherpa and climb a Himalayan peak – all absolutely free. You won’t live long enough to be sued by your creditors.
The political mix. Here’s a combo deadly for your re-election plans: video with crack pipe & groping unrelated female & giving voters the finger while driving and texting & revealing DUI convictions & skipping council meetings to do personal business. No wait, that’s been done by Toronto Mayor Rob Ford and may not be lethal to his career. He still has a 40% approval rating. What does it take to get rid of a politician?
The vodka mix. Vodka & bacon =BLT Cocktail. Vodka & horseradish= Gogol. Vodka & caviar & olives = Cavitini. Pul-lease! There must be a simpler way to die from alcohol poisoning.
The legal mix. This just in from the journalistic trenches of the Globe (17 August). Cross off cronuts from your list of lethal combos. Turns out cronut has been trademarked by a Manhatton bakery. So, unlicenced use of name & lawyer = demise of the Canadian Exhibition cronut?