Thursday, 6 December 2012


LIFE IS BECOMING EASIER. Or I’m becoming smarter.


Time was when I couldn’t get past the first paragraph of a Scientific American article, but now I just brush through the pages. Has my brain expanded to the point where I’ll be able to breeze through medical journals next? Yes, absolutely!

Disappointingly, it’s not because of my brain expanding. It’s because medical journals need more readers. So what are they doing about that? Improve the quality of their articles? Nah. Where is your inner salesperson? They improve the quality of their hype. They make the articles more newsworthy. EGG YOLKS ARE AS BAD AS SMOKING! MULTIVITAMINS CUT CANCER! RESEARCH FINDINGS ARE CRAP! No, wait, that last one shouldn’t have been in capitals. That’s just me talking under the influence of John Ioannidis’ article WHY MOST PUBLISHED RESEARCH FINDINGS ARE FALSE (plosmedicine.org).

So now that I’m able to read medical journals, what else can we dumb down to the level of the unexpanded brain?

TERRORISM. I recommend softpedia.com’s HOW TO MAKE A NUCLEAR BOMB. Helpful hints: you need money and a remote detonator.

UNIVERSITY. Stressless studies are on their way with redesigned courses to make university degrees accessible to all. REDESIGNED? Oh, I see, that’s code for EASIER.

WRITING: Twitter is here for you!

LOVE. I read there are DISTINGUISHED GENTS for hire to dance with you on cruises (wsj.com). Oh, wait, they are not allowed to flirt. Well, then try lastinglovemadeeasy.com. Three videos is all it takes.

HAPPINESS. I thought I had that covered with positive thinking. But author Oliver Burkeman has written a whole book to prove that positive thinking won’t do the trick. Bummer, I thought, until I read the alternative he offers: SORT OF LEARN TO RESIST THE URGE TO DO EVERYTHING RIGHT. Oh, well, that’s okay then. I’ve learned that trick long ago.

PERFECT EYEBROWS. Sorry, that’s one area in which I can offer you no short-cuts. According to beauty expert Bahar Niramwalla, you still have to brush your brow hairs, fill the gaps with colour, powder them, and finish with a brow gel to hold them in place. I was on the brink of despair. I’ll never have perfect eyebrows, I thought, until I remembered Burkeman’s advice and RESISTED THE URGE TO DO IT RIGHT.

 

3 comments:

  1. Remember white gloves on sweaty hands at Wiener fasching Balls? We could have used those "distinguished gents" then, to ask unescorted ladies to dance.
    Although if memory serves me right, men in uniform were asked to come for free to do just that ask ladies to dance.. but few did.
    Too shy? Not able to dance?
    Who knows. Ah well, the times changed.
    And manners are nostalgia.

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  2. Don't remember white gloves (maybe I attended the wrong balls), but remember many wallflower occasions when I would have appreciated a gent, or even a cad, as long as he could dance.

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    1. Yup... even at the danger of trodden toes!

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