MY #COV19 #ADVICE IS BETTER THAN YOURS
Believe me and read on. Here’s for
THE TECHNOPHOBE. You hate ZOOM? Think soothing thoughts of the pre-online age, when
-you had to use white-out to correct your typos
-when you had to adjust the settings on your camera, when your father-in-law ruined every family gathering by demanding you drop whatever little fun you were having and freeze-smile while he adjusted the setting on his camera
-when the letter you sent to Austria was returned “Addressee unknown” because it was routed to Australia by mistake.
-when it took your insurance company ages to reply to your query by snail mail – oh wait, it still takes ages, except now you can listen to an instant message assuring you that you are a valuable customer.
THE ANXIETY RIDDEN. Think about your past anxieties – how trivial they seem today! Remember when you bellyached about unimportant things like bad-hair days? —oh wait, you still do.
THE HYPOCHONDRIAC. Remember when you worried quite unnecessarily about every little cough? No, forget I said that. Keep worrying. Neurotics live longer than carefree people anyway -- unless their ulcers kill them first.
THE DAREDEVIL. Enjoy the unprecedented opportunities!
-Sit on park benches.
-Race up the Don Valley now that you can and defy the speeding ticket!
-Visit an emergency room and read a magazine someone has left behind. Do not wear a mask or your reading glasses. Keep your nose really close to the page and breathe in the air left behind by the last patient.
SEE I TOLD YOU MY ADVICE IS BETTER THAN YOURS.